D'offus of the Big-Doofus

Cry baby, cry.

2011-09-06T14:39:00.003-04:00

The Party's Over.

2010-11-21T09:09:00.002-05:00

Terrorists in Minnesota.

2010-02-09T12:05:00.004-05:00

Dear Diary,
When I first learned of this new billboard, I was certain it was just an Internet rumor.....an urban legend of sorts.
But now, it's being reported by minnesota.publicradio.org that this object of scorn actually does exist......in Wyoming, Minnesota.

So far, no one is taking credit for this blasphemy.

'Miss Me Yet?' Billboard With Photo of George Bush is Real
by burghnews

Navy Corpseman?

2010-02-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

The Obama Caganer.

2010-02-03T12:29:00.006-05:00

Dear Diary,
I learned something new today. Yes, I know, most people think I already know everything.

Actually, I got this from Rahm - who has been monitoring H8 radio.

The Neal Boortz H8 radio show was reporting on a custom in Catalonia where little statues - called caganers - are placed in their Christmas Nativity scenes and my likeness is now being used for said caganers. I don't understand why my likeness isn't being used as the baby Jesus ...... but, never mind.

A caganer is a statue of a man who is in the act of ~~pooping~~ ~~taking a dump~~ excreting waste.

I'm told being made into a caganer is a compliment.

My adoring Kool-aid drinking zombie minions can purchase my caganer by going to this web site.

There's even a video showing how my caganer is made.

New Official Presidential Portrait.

2010-01-06T09:59:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
It is with great pride and pleasure that I release a new Official Presidential portrait of yours truly. I believe this portrait accurately portrays my true effervescent character.

It was Rahm's idea to have this photo in gif format rather than jpeg. (He says because the portrait....like myself....is a gif to my adoring peeps.)

My Halo in the Norwegian Skies.

2009-12-10T11:16:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
Many in Norway were amazed by the blue green light that shot out of a large spiral light visible in the Norwegian sky.
The dailymail is reporting that -
"The light appears to be unconnected with the aurora borealis, or northern lights, the natural magnetic phenomena that can often be viewed in that part of the world.

The mystery began when a blue light seemed to soar up from behind a mountain in the north of the country. It stopped mid-air, then began to move in circles. Within seconds a giant spiral had covered the entire sky."

The article went on to say,
"Then a green-blue beam of light shot out from its centre - lasting for ten to 12 minutes before disappearing completely.

Onlookers describing it as 'like a big fireball that went around, with a great light around it' and 'a shooting star that spun around and around'."

The fools..........
It was my aura - visible in the sky as I traveled to Norway to accept my well deserved Nobel Peace Prize.

watch video here.

Bill Clinton offers his Help.

2009-12-05T08:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary,
I received a phone call from Bill Clinton this morning.
He has graciously volunteered to come with us to ~~Gropenhagen~~ Copenhagen for the UN Climate Summit. He told me that he'd be willing to stay there while I traveled on to pick up my Nobel Peace Prize. Of course, climate change is a very important issue and I can understand why Bill would be so eager to help us in our endeavor to save Mother Earth.

On a side note, it's being reported that Danish prostitutes will be offering free sex during the summit. I'm sure this is just a coincidence.

Half - Hearted Strategy.

2009-12-03T07:58:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
It looks as though my speech concerning my Afghanistan strategy is not being as well received as I thought it would be.
Even some of my otherwise faithful Kool-Aid drinking zombie minions have taken to criticizing me.....and in public, no less.
Rahm says it went over as well as a fart in church.
There's got to be a way I can blame this on Bush.

Showing Respect.

2009-11-25T07:51:00.005-05:00

Dear Diary,
I've been getting quite a bit of flack lately regarding my posture when I am in the presence of various foreign kings and potentates.
Some on the Right have accused me of being obsequious and too willing to show weakness.
But,to them I say 'au contraire'. I am simply showing respect were respect is due. (as these photos clearly show).

Watching Movies in 3D.

2009-10-31T00:49:00.003-04:00

See http://sorryalltheclevernamesaretaken.blogspot.com/2009/10/and-winner-is.html

My Prize Arrives.

2009-10-10T17:41:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
Realizing how busy I am saving the planet, the folks at the Nobel Peace Prize Committee decided to say time and send my price directly to me rather than force me to take off to travel to ~~Denmark~~ ~~Sweden~~ Norway.

I don't really understand why the package was sent from Florida. The return address said it was shipped by E.I.B......I guess that stands for be "European International Bank".

The Last Laugh.

2009-10-09T15:41:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
We like to have a good time here in the oval office. It's always a laugh a minute.

I had been meaning to pull the ultimate prank on Rahm....but, unbelievably, I had run out of ideas. To get an idea, I got on the Internet and went to the Google website. Surely,I thought, I could find some way to really get a laugh over on Rahm. I typed in "embarrassing joke" into the Google search engine.

This picture says it all.

The Ten Commandments According to Obama.

2009-09-03T12:57:00.002-04:00

On a website calling itself The Patriot Update they have published a copy of my Ten Commandments. I'm sure my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions are already aware of these and follow them to the letter.

I. Thou shalt have no God in America, except for me. For we are no longer a Christian nation and, after all, I am the chosen One. (And like God, I do not have a birth certificate.)

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is my face carved on Mt. Rushmore.

III. Thou shalt not utter my middle name in vain (or in public). Only I can say Barack Hussein Obama.

IV. Remember tax day, April 15th, to keep it holy.

V. Honour thy father and thy mother until they are too old and sick to care for. They will cost our public-funded health-care system too much money.

VI. Thou shalt not kill, unless you have an unwanted, unborn baby. For it would be an abomination to punish your daughter with a baby.

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are conservative or a Republican. Liberals and Democrats are hereby forgiven for all of their infidelity and immorality, but the careers of conservatives will be forever destroyed.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal, until you've been elected to public office. Only then is it acceptable to take money from hard-working, successful citizens and give it to those who do not work, illegal immigrants, or those who do not have the motivation to better their own lives.

IX. Thou shalt not discriminate against thy neighbor unless they are conservative, Caucasian, or Christian.

X. Thou shalt not covet because it is simply unnecessary. I will place such a heavy tax burden on those that have achieved the American Dream that, by the end of my term as President, nobody will have any wealth or material goods left for you to covet.

Rahm Sings and Dances.

2009-08-28T10:45:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
I am so grateful to have Rahm ~~telling me what to do~~ giving me such sound advice.

Heaven knows where I would be today had Rahm continued in his career as a ballet dancer. His dear mother had wanted him to be a ~~ballerina~~ dancer. As a boy, he was sent to the Evanston School of Ballet.

Rahm has given all that up for me.

I was so happy to hear that Rahm was recently given the chance to perform in a little musical routine.
Thanks to Caroline Glick and her website, http://www.latma.co.il/, the world gets an opportunity to see Rahm as his friends see him......a brilliant singer and dancer.

Fan Mail.

2009-08-27T10:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Diary,
I love hearing from my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions.

I receive countless letters and emails every single day and it does my heart good to read their praises of me.

From time to time, one of these letters will include a photo of one of my fawning zombies.

This one is typical, of course.

Mad Bitch Beer.

2009-08-06T12:39:00.001-04:00

Dear Diary,
The Washington Post has apologized for an online video joke made by columnist Dana Milbank and White House correspondent Chris Cillizza.

The two were having fun at my recent beer summit .....they implied that had she attended the summit, I would have served Hillary Clinton a bottle of Mad Bitch Beer.

Is there a problem?

My Birthday Cake.

2009-08-05T10:24:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
Quite unexpectedly, a group of my Kool-Aid drinking zombie minions decided to throw a little birthday party for me yesterday. We all really had a wonderful time.

Problem, though.

Whoever put the cake together put the number 44 on the cake instead of 48. Golly, it was my 48th birthday and all.

I guess they should have checked my birth certificate......ha ha ha !!!

Yeah, right. I crack myself up, sometimes.

One too many.

2009-08-02T10:46:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
I didn't really want to invite Joe to the recent brewfest at the White House. I didn't have much choice.

A couple of hours before the event, Joe started pestering me about how he needed to be there. He went on and on about how it wouldn't look good for the media to show 2 black guys and just one white guy......he said it would look like we were ganging up on the white guy. He said we needed a racial balance for the photo opt.

I think Joe just wanted to get free beer.

Looking at photos taken after the brewfest, I think Joe may have had one too many.

"But now its happenin' now."

2009-07-29T11:15:00.000-04:00

Dear Diary,
While surfing the Internet, I came across a blog entitled Catholic and Enjoying it.
For the life of me, I can't imagine how anyone could possibly enjoy being Catholic......unless, of course, they're an Obama Catholic.

At any rate, while at that blog, I took a look at a video he'd posted [Someday She'll Find it, the Rainbow Connection]

I watched the video and I'm sure the woman who made it is one of my Kool-Aid drinking zombie minions.

Barack Trails Jimmy.

2009-07-21T12:17:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
According to the latest USAToday/Gallup poll, my popularity is lower than my dear mentor's (James Earl Carter ) popularity was during the same point in his term in office.[http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/presidential-approval-tracker.htm]

Of course, that is to be expected. Although he is my mentor and my inspiration, I can never hope to reach the level of success that President Carter had.

Perhaps, I could - as one writer suggested - bring out the cardigan sweaters. I know it was later in his term that Carter brought the sweaters out of mothballs, but I'll try anything.

A Kool-aid Video.

2009-07-20T12:03:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
A few months ago, I had the supreme pleasure of giving Internet inventor, Al Gore, the position of cyber czar in my administration.

True to form, Al has been very busy in his new job, hunting down any sort of cyber activity that may be a danger to my young Presidency.
Al has reported finding a Youtube video posted to a blog coming from the Philippine city of Davao. The blogger posting the video, one Dominique Cimafranca, is obviously a political malcontent.
Hillary is looking into how we can connect an invasion of Mindanao to our plans of escalating the war in Afghanistan. It may be a tough sale, but we might just pull it off.

We are also investigating the original source of the video - StarboardViewStudio

Heads will roll.

Clothesline Bill Hung Out to Dry.

2009-07-16T10:06:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
Those evil Republicans are at it again. This time in North Carolina.

Recognizing the dangers of global warming, one of my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions - North Carolina State Legislature Representative Pricey Harrison- has introduced a bill (H1353) that would prevent Republicans, who wish to destroy the planet, from restricting the use of clotheslines in North Carolina.

Thanks to the wonderful work of Al Gore, right-thinking Democrats through out the country know the importance of becoming "green". What better way to cut down on the use of evil electricity than drying your clothes outside rather than in an energy eating clothes dryer?

Evil rich Republicans are using county and city ordinances - as well as home owners association covenants - to prohibit clothesline, thereby accelerating the melting of the polar icecaps and the complete destruction on life on Mother Earth.

The Republicans might succeed in backward areas (such as North Carolina) but I plan to immediately have Federal legislation introduced that will require all homes valued at less that $1 million to install energy saving clotheslines in the back yard.

Al tells me this could be the landmark legislation of my presidential term.
I'm just doing my part to save the planet.

News source:http://www.news-record.com/blog/53964/entry/64277

The Clinton/Obama Plan to root out Terrorists.

2009-07-15T09:48:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
Despite my efforts to prove otherwise, far too many Americans believe that I am a Muslim and way too soft on terrorism.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

With this in mind, I met with former President, Bill Clinton and the two of us came up with a plan to kill two birds with one stone...so to speak.

As most Americans may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does.

So I will issue a statement proclaiming that on next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are encouraged to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling the block for one hour will be recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at his side will be further proof of the patriotic man's anti-Muslim sentiment.

I want everyone in America to know that the Obama government appreciates their efforts to root out terrorists and I applaud everyone's participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

Gifts from the Pope.

2009-07-13T13:19:00.001-04:00

Dear Diary,
While I was in Italy recently, I thought it would be a great political move for me to drop by the Vatican for a photo-opt with Mr. Pope Benedict Ratzinger. Somehow, I was able to take time from my partying with Nicky to stop in.

It was really a neat talk.

As I left, Mr. Pope Benedict Ratzinger gave me two books to read;
Caritas Veritate and Dignitas Personae.

Fortunately, in spite of the titles, the books are not written in Latin.
I shouldn't have any problem reading the books......understanding the books is another question entirely.

Lee Myung-bak Breaks Hillary Clinton's Right Arm.

2009-07-12T13:37:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
During a recent visit to Washington,South Korean President Lee Myung-bak broke Hillary Clinton's right arm while shaking hands with the Secretary of State.
:)

The rumor going around the city is that I asked the South Korean President to do it.
Nonsense.
As much as I am glad it happened, I had nothing at all to do with it.

After my sucking up to the North Koreans, no one in South Korean would do anything I'd want.

Barry and Nicky.....Best Buds 4ever.

2009-07-10T11:02:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
I am really having a great time in Italy.

I've been able to spend some quality time with my homeboy, Nicky Sarkozy. Every time we go out together, Nicky and I party like it's nobody's business.

Snookums says I should stay away from him....she says he's a bad influence on me.

I say it's all just good clean fun.....really....trust me.

Michelle's ....uh...... Fashion Sense.

2009-06-11T11:02:00.003-04:00

America's first Muslim president?

2009-06-09T08:48:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
As hard as this may be to imagine, not everyone was impressed with my recent speech in Cairo. Some are even using this speech as evidence that I am a Muslim in sheep's clothing.

In a recent column,Frank J. Gaffney, Jr. goes so far as to call me America's first Muslim president.
Gaffney asks his readers to consider the following indicators:

* Mr. Obama referred four times in his speech to "the Holy Koran." Non-Muslims — even pandering ones — generally don't use that Islamic formulation.

* Mr. Obama established his firsthand knowledge of Islam (albeit without mentioning his reported upbringing in the faith) with the statement, "I have known Islam on three continents before coming to the region where it was first revealed." Again, "revealed" is a depiction Muslims use to reflect their conviction that the Koran is the word of G-d, as dictated to Muhammad.

* Then the president made a statement no believing Christian — certainly not one versed, as he professes to be, in the ways of Islam — would ever make. In the context of what he euphemistically called the "situation between Israelis, Palestinians and Arabs," Mr. Obama said he looked forward to the day "…when Jerusalem is a secure and lasting home for Jews and Christians and Muslims, and a place for all of the children of Abraham to mingle peacefully together as in the story of Isra, when Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them) joined in prayer."

Of course, all of this is right wing, extremist nonsense.
Anyone doubting that I am a Christian need only talk to my dearest friend....Teleprompter 666.

Israeli Rightists tell Obama: No you can't!

2009-06-06T09:55:00.005-04:00

Dear Diary,
Somehow, the Zionists in Israel haven't "received the memo" as the American "Catholics" and Arab Muslims have. These misguided souls don't seem to have caught on that I am the one we have all been waiting on.
Why is this so difficult for them since even someone as dense as Newsweek editor Evan Thomas knows the score? [Evan Thomas Finds God]

In ~~Israel~~ Palestine, Zionists have gone against my divine decree that all Jewish settlements be stopped. They even mock me by calling one building an Obama Hut. (We know that's in Kenya.)
I've seen recent videos coming from Israel that lead me to believe that there is still work to be done to bring all my children into the fold.

Must contact Joe to mix up another batch of Kool-aid.

[Far-right wing activists launch anti-Obama campaign]

Der Doofus does Deutschland.

2009-06-05T10:49:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
Some in the press are reporting that a rift has opened up between Germany and the United States of Obamatopia.

I admit that there have been errors made in the past, but I have no problem apologizing for someone else's mistakes.

I hope that my visit to Germany will close that rift. While there, I will return to the German people the Magical Orb of Thor - stolen from them by the American invaders during WWII.

I can understand why it means so much to them.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.

2009-06-03T07:57:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
In a presidential proclamation on the White House website, I have lauded the determination and dedication of the LGBT movement by proclaiming June as "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month."

I know there are some who might attribute this proclamation to my typical....huh....sucking up to the LGBT community. I realize there are those cynics who believe I am merely using and abusing those folks because I know that they have nowhere else to turn; there's just no way they would vote for a Republican. The president of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality says I am simply pandering to homosexual political activists.

There's even been one blogger who thinks it would be more appropriate for us to set aside June to honor the Sacred Heart of Jesus as the Catholic Church has traditionally done.

These misguided critics who question my motives are mistaken, however.
I have had recent "conversations" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) with John McCain IV and he has convinced me that I should be more forthcoming in my support for the LGBT community. I should come out of the closet, so to speak.

Besides, Michelle is OK with all this.......I think.

Presidents at Work.

2009-05-28T14:23:00.009-04:00

Dear Diary,
It's only natural for people to compare one U.S.President to another.
You know......how does Abe Lincoln compare to George Washington? Was Grover Cleveland as effective as, say, Thomas Jefferson? That sort of thing.

So, of course, people want to see how I might measure up to George Bush or Ronald Reagan. With that in mind, I'm releasing photos of each of us in action so the American public can judge for themselves.

I don't think the people will disagree that I - Barack Obama - am as hardworking as any other President of the United States. It's like the old proverb says; one picture is worth a thousand words.

The Supreme Court Nominee.

2009-05-27T01:04:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
It was with great pleasure that I nominated that most beloved jurist, Rosanne Barr, to replace David Souter as Supreme Court Justice.
As I mentioned in my speech yesterday, one of the most important reasons for my choosing her above all others, is because she is the one who saved baseball.

By the way, I especially loved her unique version of the national anthem as performed at a San Diego Padre's game in 1990.

Surely, no one could possibly find reason to oppose this pick.

The Cyber Czar.

2009-05-26T08:29:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
The news has gotten out that later this week I will be announcing my pick for the new job of "cyber czar".
Of course, my choice should already be obvious. Who else is more qualified than the creator of the Internet ? There's no one I can see who would be a better pick than Al Gore.

Al will have broad authority to develop strategy to protect the nation's government-run and private computer networks as well as developing a strategy to rid this country of that evil scourge ......the right-wing blogosphere.

If anyone can successfully get those guys off the Internet and into the gulags, it's Big Al.

It's an Outrage!!!

2009-05-23T00:12:00.005-04:00

I was nominated for "Best Catholic Political Blog" in the 2009 Cannonball Awards.
I was the actual winner but the award was stolen from me. (Republicans are always stealing elections.....just ask Al.)

It's an outrage!!!

The Crescat...: DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

A Room with a View?

2009-05-22T12:41:00.002-04:00

Israeli security?

2009-05-20T10:39:00.001-04:00

Dear Diary,
My sources tell me that Jewish leaders don't think much about my idea for Israel to halt settlement building in the occupied West Bank.

What's up with that ?!?
Don't they know the @#$& who they're dealing with?!

Absolutely no one has the right to question my decisions. Just ask the Governor of Nevada.

They say it's a matter of "security".

Haven't they figured this out yet? If I don't care diddly about American security, I sure as #$#@ don't care squat about Israeli security.

Leftist "Logic".

2009-05-19T11:14:00.002-04:00

Leftist Logic at it's best.

Baby Killer at Notre Dame.

2009-05-18T04:37:00.000-04:00

And Also With You.

2009-05-15T07:07:00.001-04:00

The Most Important Meal of the Day.

2009-05-13T09:12:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
Every morning, all the members of the Obama household sit down together to enjoy a wonderful breakfast. After all, it's the most important meal of the day. Recognizing the importance of getting the right start each and every day, I've ~~ordered~~ ~~convinced~~ gently persuaded all the folks in my administration to follow my example.

What better way to start the day than with a big bowl of delicious Obama O's cereal?

I'm so impressed with the value of this wonderful breakfast cereal I believe every American should have the same opportunity.
Unfortunately, there seems to be a snag in my plan. It's come to my attention that many Americans are unwilling to see the value of CHANGE in their breakfast eating habits. Far too many of my people are over looking the virtues of Obama O's and are, instead, sticking with that old fashioned, run of the mill cereal .......Cheerios.

Some people need to be helped for their own good.

That's why I've instructed my Kool-aid drinking Zombie minions at the FDA to do what they can to take that despicable cereal off the store shelves.
So far, the plan seems to be working.

[FDA Blasts General Mills Over Cheerios Claim]

When Zombie Minions go Manic.

2009-05-12T00:20:00.005-04:00

Dear Diary,
It has recently come to my attention that two of my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions....namely Marla Anderson and Tamika Cornwell.... have managed to get themselves incarcerated while attempting to steal a photo of yours truly.

According to police reports, Ms. Anderson walked into a woman's home and fought with the photo's owner. Ms. Cornwell was the "getaway driver". She was arrested some ten hours after the fact.

Of course, I can fully understand why these two individuals would want to get their hands of my picture....who wouldn't?!?
I can also understand their willingness to spend time in jail rather than do without a photo of the one and only Barack Obama. Again, who wouldn't?!?

Naturally, there has been considerable talk as to which photo of me the women went to jail for. Does it make a difference? Any photo of me is beyond value. However, for those who really have to know, one blogger has investigated the case and found the photo. The original can be found on this web site.

Of course, I've posted the photo here as well. It is the earliest known photo of me....taken almost immediately after my birth. The photo also includes my mother, father and godfather.
Yes, this photo is worth going to jail for.

My Old Job.

2009-05-11T09:57:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
Most folks are aware of my experience as a Community Organizer. They will point to that job as proof that I am hightly qualified to be POTUS.

Most people aren't aware that my first job was at Home Depot.
The company was so impressed by my performance, that a video of my first day on the job is used for training purposes.

Banning DHMO.

2009-05-06T12:23:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
It has recently come to my attention that the nation is facing yet another crisis........the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO).
According to dhmo.org, Dihydrogen Monoxide is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.

DHMO is a constituent of many known toxic substances, diseases and disease-causing agents, environmental hazards and can even be lethal to humans in quantities as small as a thimbleful.

Also, according to the website,

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:
* Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
* Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
* Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
* DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
* Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
* Contributes to soil erosion.
* Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
* Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
* Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
* Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
* Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
* Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
* Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

What hasn't been mentioned in the report - the Bush administration used quantities of DHMO in their torture of terror suspects.
Faced with these facts, I am asking the EPA to issue an immediate ban on DHMO.

The Least.

2009-05-05T09:11:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
Can the world get too much information about yours truly? My Kool-aid drinking zombie minions.......in an effort to bring meaning to their otherwise drab existence.......yearn to learn more about even the most mundane areas of my life.
They live to know my every move......and how I get from place to place.
There is a Youtube video making its way through the geekosphere that refers to my Presidential limo as the the Beast.

e-Justice Blog gives 10 incredible safety features on Obama's limo.

So far, no one has chronicled the safety features of my ride of choice....which I've nicknamed "the Least."

Way to go, Arlen.

2009-05-04T11:02:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
Arlen Specter has wasted no time attempting to show us all that he is truly a Democrat.

Specter recently appeared on CBS' "Face the Nation" and hinted that Jack Kemp died of GOP........he pretty much said that his death from cancer could be linked to the policies of the Republican Party.

Way to go Arlen......we all know that when it comes to making outrageous accusations against Republicans, the media will never call us out.

If there is a downside to Specter's performance, I'd have to say that he made a mistake by not bringing up Rush Limbaugh's name.
I guess he's still got a lot to learn before we can say that Arlen is a true, blue Democrat.

Janet on a Snipe Hunt.

2009-04-30T00:07:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
A few days ago, Rahm and I were having a chat about the problem I'm having with Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano....or as we call her around here, Janet from another planet.
I pointed out to Rahm that Napolitano was dragging down my administration. She has become too much of an embarrassment, but I cannot let her go. Firing her would be an admission on my part, that I, Barack Obama had made an error in judgment. That would never do.

I told Rahm that I had no other choice but to leave her hanging around. He agreed, but pointed out that as long as we had to keep her on the payroll, we might as well have a few laughs.

That's when Rahm came up with a brilliant idea. Rahm called her office and told her that the Center for Disease Control had determined that the outbreak of the recent flu epidemic had been traced to the rare Mexican Snipe. He told her that we had managed to capture one of the rare birds for medical research, but, somehow it had escaped inside the White House.

Rahm then proceeded to send the old gal on the snipe hunt to end all snipe hunts.

We're pretty certain we can keep her occupied with this until Labor Day.

That Rahm......he can be a million laughs.

The Bride and Groom.

2009-04-29T00:02:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
It's no secret to anyone that TELEPROMPTER666 and I are very close. It's been said that he and I are as thick as thieves. He is like the brother I never had. (OK, I do have a brother in Kenya, but I threw him under the bus ages ago...so he doesn't count)

For many years, TELEPROMPTER666 has been living a lie. He has successfully convinced the world that he is AC when, in fact, he has been DC all along....if you catch my drift.
All that's changed now. With his home state of Iowa coming into the 21st century with the passage of the same sex marriage law, TP666 (as his close friends call him) has decided to come out of the closet.

He came to me recently and told me of his plans to return to Iowa and marry his one true love - TELEPROMPTER999. I am really excited for him.

Being the friend that I am, I agreed to take time out of my busy schedule and fly with him to Dubuque for the wedding. I graciously consented to perform the ceremony.

Seeing the wedding photos, I can honestly say that they make a lovely couple.

My Birth Certificate.

2009-04-28T00:05:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
Some right-wing extremist group calling itself "Family Security Matters" has posted a piece on their web site calling for the "declassification" of my ~~alleged~~ birth certificate.

They say that I've gone pretty far declassifying all sorts of documents from the Bush administration.......things like - memos detailing ~~enhanced interrogation tactics~~ torture of ~~terrorists~~ ~~Jihadist terror detainees~~ those poor souls Amerika has kidnapped from their homeland.

Now, they say they just want to take a look at my birth certificate.

Hey, who needs a birth certificate when you have a genuine ACORN issued voter registration card?

The True Swine Flu.

2009-04-27T13:44:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
The country is falling victim to a new illness. It is the "True Swine Flu".

People should be prepared for the problem to become more severe, and that it could involve possibly deaths.

I am closely monitoring the emerging cases of True Swine Flu in the United States.

These are the early days. It's quite clear that there is a potential for this sickness to become a pandemic and threaten globally.

We don't know enough yet about how this sickness operates. More work needs to be done.

I've urged people to take precautions, such as frequent hand-washing.

Stealing the 2009 Cannonbal Catholic Blog Award.

2009-04-24T08:43:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
I have great news to write about today!!!

One of my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions has successfully infiltrated the Catholic blogosphere and nominated this blog for a 2009 Cannonball Catholic Blog Award.

With the help of Pelosi, Biden, Sebelius and Kmiec, I already have a lock on the "Catholic" vote. Getting those same voters to pick me over all the others should be a piece of cake.

Link:
The Crescat...: and the nominees are...

Janet from another Planet.

2009-04-23T08:09:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
If it were not for the fact that I am Barack Hussein Obama - and thereby incapable of error - I would say that I made an error when I chose Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security.
She is forever showing that she doesn't know diddly.

Just the other day, she claimed that some of the 9/11 terrorists entered the United States through Canada. Has she lost her senses? How can anyone enter the U.S. from Canada when we all know Canada is one of our glorious 54 States.

Saying someone entered the United States through Canada would be like saying someone entered the U.S. by way of Virginia or California....or Mexico.

Besides, every school child knows that Canada was one of the original 12 15 17 colonies.

I really should have picked someone with a better understanding of geography.

The New Oprah.

2009-04-22T10:53:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
While visiting with my homey, Hugo Chavez, he presented me with a copy of Eduardo Galeano's 1973 work, Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent.

After photos of me receiving the book where put up on the Internet, the book rocketed up the US paperback sales chart of the online bookseller Amazon, soaring from number 54,295 to sixth place within 24 hours. It has, finally, peaked at No. 2.

Just call me the new Oprah Winfrey.

I just wish I could have knocked Mark Levin's book out of first place.

Level Four Mop Situation.

2009-04-20T09:50:00.001-04:00

The New Big Doofus Theme Music.

2009-04-17T09:13:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
As I mentioned in my last post [My New Theme Song.] as the wizard of change, I wanted to update the Presidential theme music.
At the time of that post, I did not have an mpeg of the music and had to make do with a YouTube video. After that post, I was able to locate an mpeg at Amazon.com. The download cost the taxpayers $0.99.....I wish I could have paid much more !!!!!
Just remember; turn up the volume.

My New Theme Song.

2009-04-17T08:23:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
After giving it a lot of thought, I've decided to change the Presidential theme song. I am the wizard of change, after all.
Unfortunately, I haven't found an mpeg of my new theme song.....I'll have to continue to use 'Hail to the Chief' as background music here.
I have, however, found a YouTube video of the song-writer (Loudon Wainwright III) singing the song.

Like Martin and Lewis.

2009-04-16T08:51:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
The British press is reporting that my relationship with French President Sarkozy isn't exactly "cozy". Times online uk is saying that Nicky has been dissing me behind my back.

I'm not buying it. Nicky says I remind him of Jerry Lewis......and we all know how much the French love him.

My True Feelings.

2009-04-15T12:17:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
They say, one picture is worth a thousand words. This picture shows -more than I could ever say- what I think about the people of this country.

Clinton and Obama, in the Sandbox Again.

2009-04-10T11:41:00.001-04:00

Dear Diary,
The Root recently posted a really nice photo of me and Hillary having a little talk (she did most of the talking, he he he).
The photo accompanies an article by Dayo Olopade that is, all in all, a positive article. However, I'm not happy with the headline...."Clinton and Obama, in the Sandbox Again".

When you're in the sandbox, the cat poops on you.

Boy Band.

2009-04-08T10:09:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
One of the best things about my attending the recent G20 Economic Summit was the opportunity it gave me to get together with my sort of people.
While chatting and generally hob-nobbing, I discovered that I wasn't the only one with a love for the music of the 1950's and 60's......particularly the music of that wonderful group, The Platters.
Upon meeting Silvio, Misha, and Jin we immediately burst into song !!!
It was a delight !!!

We were such a big hit at the G20 social, we decided to release our own CD recording.

It'll be strictly songs recorded by the Platters and will include such chart busters as "I'll Never Smile Again", "Enchanted", "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes","You're Making a Mistake", "Twilight Time", "I'm Sorry", "It Isn't Right" and, of course....last, but not least, "The Great Pretender".

The Righteous Retribution of Barack the Barbarian

2009-04-07T07:18:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
I knew I couldn't keep my secret identity a secret for very long.

Now the world knows of my alter ego......Barack the Barbarian!!!!!!

A comic is about to be released entitled "The Righteous Retribution of Barack the Barbarian".

The comic tells how I am "destined to save the great republic of America and dethrone the overpaid despots."

How true.

Woman with Big Boobs.

2009-04-04T07:04:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
I received an email today with the subject,"Woman with Big Boobs".
The email was from Bill Clinton....he said that it was a photo of a woman with the two biggest boobs he had ever seen.
I figured Bill has seen some pretty big boobs in his time.I really wanted to see this pair !!!

The funny thing is..... I got this same photo in an email yesterday, but the subject was "Woman with two A$$HOLES".

Biden Takes Charge.

2009-04-02T10:16:00.002-04:00

Dear Obama's Diary,
Hey......I'm taking over.

The Big-Doofus made the mistake of leaving the U.S. for the G20 cluster f clash and leaving me here.
This is my country now and this is my diary blog. I'm not letting him back in.
You don't like it ? Too @#*%$@# bad.

I'm the Big-Doofus now and there's nothing the former B-D can do about it.

Joe.

My Resignation.

2009-04-01T06:24:00.004-04:00

Dear Diary,
It is with great pain and sadness that I admit to one and all that I am not up to the job.

This whole election thing has been a terrible mistake. I never thought I'd win. I was sure Hillary was going to clinch the nomination in 2008. I was only looking to score a few political "brownie points". I didn't imagine in my wildest dreams that the American people would be stupid enough to elect me POTUS.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I will announce later today that I am resigning immediately. I know the country deserves better than Joe, but I'm sure he'll do better than I ever could.

The complete story can be found on the I.N.N. web site....Obama Resigns.

The GM Obamamobile.

2009-03-30T12:28:00.001-04:00

Dear Diary,
Now that GM chairman and CEO Rick Wagoner has followed my order to resign, I am free to design the car that I was born to design.

This is the car for the citizen of the Obamanation.
It will be the only car my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions can afford to buy when they've lost their jobs and are living on Obamabucks.

What Teleprompter?

2009-03-25T12:31:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
Why do so many of my enemies make such a big deal concerning my occasional use of a teleprompter?
I didn't use one last night.
Do you think anyone noticed the TV monitor ?

My Bowling is Special.

2009-03-20T10:55:00.002-04:00

Turn off "Hail to the Chief" before playing video.

Barry O'bama Celebrates St. Patty's Day.

2009-03-17T09:45:00.001-04:00

Dear Diary,
Even though there has been considerable genealogical research of my family tree recently, most folks are unaware of the true story of my family name.

According to documents uncovered by genealogists, one of my Irish ancestors migrated to Kenya hundreds of years ago, married a Kenyan woman and settled down to raise a family.

As it turns out, my actual family name is O'bama. (My once favored nickname "Barry" is Gaelic for Marksman)

So, it's only appropriate that I should be attending some many St. Patty's Day celebrations today.
The question is......do Obama Fingers go good with green beer?

My New Pickup.

2009-03-13T11:39:00.003-04:00

Dear Diary,
The guys in Detroit were so happy to receive the 'stimulus money' (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) I sent.
Even the guys in the auto-workers union are beside themselves with excitement. They all got together and presented me with a new pickup truck.
It's a real blast driving it out on the highway.

You won't believe all the smiles and hand waving and horn honking I get while I'm out scooter-poopin'.
I'm having a wonderful time.

Troops to the Mexican Border?

2009-03-12T13:41:00.002-04:00

Dear Diary,
I'm considering whether to deploy National Guard troops to the U.S.-Mexico border, after Texas Gov. Rick Perry made an urgent call for 1,000 more "boots on the ground" to deal with the growing violence.

As long as they are boots on the ground that are properly trained to deal with the border region, I don't care whether they are military troops, or National Guard troops or whether they are customs agents.

We've got a very big border with Mexico and we need to protect the aliens who are trying to get here.

Hello?

2009-03-11T11:11:00.003-04:00

George: Hello, this is George Bush speaking.

Barack: Hello, can I speak to George?

George: I said "Hello"... is there anybody there?

Barack: Hello...Hello....can I speak to George?

George: Is there anybody there?

Barack: Hello, is George there?

What Addiction?

2009-03-06T11:03:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
Some in the media have started to make a big deal of my occasional use of a teleprompter whenever I speak. Some even suggest that I'm addicted to teleprompters and can't live without one.
That's bullsh** ~~nonsense~~ ~~ridicu..~~ really so not true.
Just ask Michelle....there are lots of times when I go to bed and there isn't one close by (well, maybe not lots of times, but you know, I do try).

And, oh yeah....the girls will back me up on this.....I can almost get halfway through a bedtime story without....huh, without...huh wait a minute; where was I?

Oh yeah....what addiction?

But, They're Really Great DVDs.

2009-03-05T13:13:00.003-05:00

But,they're really great DVDs.

Americans Support Increasing Troops in Afghanistan.

2009-02-27T06:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary,
A recent story on ABC News [Obama Gathers Two-Thirds Support for Additional Troops to Afghanistan] points out that 64% of Americans support my decision to send 17,000 more U.S. troops to Afghanistan.

It's quite understandable, of course. The American people know military genius when they see it.

Looking back so many years ago, I don't recall having ever lost a game of paintball. Even today, whenever Joe and I go down to Camp David, I'm all over him like white on rice. He doesn't stand a chance.

How much harder can real war be?

First Dog Coming to White House in April.

2009-02-26T12:00:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
At long last, The First Dog will arrive at the White House in April.

Originally, it was a choice between a Portuguese Water Dog (Snookum's favorite) and a Labradoodle.
Hillary had a suggestion for us. After seeing that dog, I think we may be getting this little dog.

Lovely pooch.

Recess at the Asylum.

2009-02-26T10:35:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
Madame Clinton has been leading us all in a wonderful,interpretive dance she picked up in China.
We gather every morning after breakfast and really work up a sweat. Very stimulating.
I'm considering making a work-out video for my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions. I know the minions usually follow my every whim....but it might not be so easy getting them off the couch.
With the right music, this might do the job.

Hey Earl !!!!!!!

2009-02-25T15:44:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
When asked how to find recovery.gov on the Internet, Joe Biden told the reporter he had forgotten the website number.....it's a good thing Earl was there.

The New Seal.

2009-02-25T15:19:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
I've had a new seal made....one that shows proper respect for D'offus.
It's so much more "adult" than the old "office of the President-elect" seal that I used before the coronation.
It'll look lovely on T.V.

Washington sends $1 food stamp checks.

2009-02-24T10:07:00.003-05:00

From tricityherald.com [Washington sends $1 food stamp checks to 250,000].
" OLYMPIA, Wash. The state of Washington sent out $1 checks to the 250,000 food stamp recipients in the state.

The director of the Community Services Division for the Department of Social and Health Services, Leo Ribas, says the checks mailed Feb. 17 trigger an additional $43 million in federal food benefits. They also connect recipients to an energy assistance program.

Ribas says the $1 check is a one-time move to leverage the federal money. He says next year the state will be able to trigger the federal assistance through a routine deposit in food stamp accounts."

I hope my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions appreciate it.

Big-Doofus On Magazine Covers.

2009-02-24T06:27:00.007-05:00

Dear Diary,
In a previous posting [Obama....Ballerina of the year] I wrote of my being on the covers of three magazines; Time. Ebony and GQ.

Now, I'm happy to say that I am gracing the cover of Computer Nerd !

This wonderful magazine has seen fit to name this blog as Best New Blog of 2009.

I suppose being on the cover of Player is OK, but I don't think I care for being named Moron of the year:(

Big-Doofus in Space.

2009-02-23T12:38:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
Many people have compared me to that great American President, John Kennedy.

Rightly so.

One of JFK's accomplishments was his call for the USA to send a man to the moon within a ten year period.

I will go further. I will be the first multi-racial President of the United States to go into Space while in Office.

Is that "history making" enough for you?

EPA to Regulate CO2.

2009-02-20T08:15:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
Thanks to the wonderful work of that top-notch scientist, Al Gore, I've come to realize how dangerous carbon dioxide really is and just how much of a threat the gas is to life on this planet.

Recognizing the dangers, I've instructed the EPA to begin,immediately regulating the amount of carbon dioxide released into our precious atmosphere.

As everyone knows (actually I had help on this one) human beings breathe out the deadly,noxious substance! Oh, horror of horrors!

The obvious solution to that is to eliminate more human beings. Of course, I've already started that little project with the reversal of the Mexico City Policy and my promise to sign the Freedom of Choice Act.

However, as much as I might like to, I can't abort everybody. Who would do my bidding ? What use is it be ruler of the "free world" (nudge,nudge,wink,wink,) if I have no Kool-aid drinking zombie minions to follow my every whim ?

No, as much as I dislike the idea.....I have to keep a few folks around.
That's why I instructed the EPA to design and produce a limited number of "veggie suits" to help absorb as much of the carbon dioxide as possible.

Tell me the truth?
Does this suit make me look fat ?

While Chanting the Obamantra........

2009-02-17T09:58:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
We've introduced a new scented candle for my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions (KADZM) to use while they chant the Obamantra. Each candle is guaranteed to produce wondrous, ~~comic~~ cosmic ~~affects~~ ~~effects~~ effects (whatever).
Of course, my KADZM can redeem their "economic stimulus checks" and get a discount price on the candles.

The Economic Stimulus Check Application.

2009-02-16T09:12:00.004-05:00

Dear Diary,
Thanks to my lackeys in Congress, my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions will be able to get their grubby little paws on an "economic stimulus check" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
Now, all they need to do is get off the sofa and file their application at this address.

Red Envelopes.

2009-02-15T01:05:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
I've been getting the strangest mail lately.
Not long ago, I started receiving these red envelopes addressed to me.....

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington , D.C. 20500

No letter inside, but a message written on the back;

This envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was unable to offer anything to the world. Responsibility begins with conception.

I'm not sure, but I think someone is trying to tell me something.

Links:
redenvelopeproject.org
sendaredenvelope.org
redenvelopesforlife.org

It's Party Time !!!!

2009-02-11T10:24:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
My "stimulus package" (nudge,nudge, wink, wink) is very close to being passed.
So.........It's party time !!!!!

Big Duffus Bumps his Noggin.

2009-02-10T00:00:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
OK, seriously, this is so not funny.
I bump my freaking head on the door of the Marine One helicopter and everybody's getting a big laugh.
Hardee Har Har.
That "little tap" really raised a good sized bump on my head. Hurts like a somebitch, I got to tell ya.
Next thing you know, they'll be comparing me to Gerald Ford.

Chanting the Obamantra.........

2009-02-06T08:32:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
This is such a wonderful photo of two of my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions chanting the Obamantra..........
OOOOOHHHHHHH..........
BAMMMMMMMM..........
MMMMMAAAAAA.........

If the shoe fits......

2009-02-06T00:15:00.002-05:00

Daschle withdraws as nominee for HHS secretary.

2009-02-04T11:14:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
Tom Daschle withdrew his nomination [Daschle withdraws as nominee for HHS secretary] Tuesday and the headline on Drudge Report read "It's a Circus".

What does he mean by that?

Nancy Killefer withdraws candidacy.

2009-02-03T11:24:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
A second of my nominees has withdrawn their candidacy. Nancy Killefer is also the third person I've nominated who turned out to have tax problems.

Why are these Republicans and their fellow travelers continually harassing me? I am having such severe headaches because of their pettiness.

Don't they realize that my destiny is more important than their puny ethics?
I have been properly selected by my Kool-aid drinking zombie minions to lead the planet to Utopia.

Why can't those who have chosen to fight Divine Providence see the errors of their ways?

More on the Obama/Carter Connection.

2009-02-02T12:23:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
As I mentioned in yesterday's diary entry, I am very proud to admit that I have been compared to former President Jimmy Carter.
After I had written that entry, I discovered via email, that I had more reasons to be exited about this Carter/Obama comparison.
Thanks to a post on another blog [You can't pick your relatives.] I am happy to say that Mr. Carter and myself share a common ancestor from the 1700s named Adrian Gordy.
Unfortunely, the article goes on to relate how I also share this very same ancestor with my arch-nemesis, Robert S. who writes the blog, Sorry, all the clever names are taken.
I suppose you have to take the bad with the good.
At least no one has suggested that I'm related to Rush Limbaugh.

Obama Bhang.

2009-01-31T22:06:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
I have often been compared to that great Democratic President of time gone by........Jimmy Carter. I have felt that this was due to a similarity of our worldviews as well as a prediction of how life in the Obamanation will come to be.

Now, it looks as if there are further comparisons.

Jimmy had his brother Billy. Billy,for those unfamiliar with ancient American history, was prone to embarrassing his brother with his less than perfect life style. Billy Carter was known to be a beer drinker....to say the least. He even had a brand of beer named for him.(Billy Beer).

Yes, Jimmy had his Billy and I have George.

George has been arrested in Nairobi for possession of two rolls of bhang.

Maybe he's just P.Oed because I didn't invite him to come over with Grammy for the coronation.

I'm not looking forward to seeing "Obama Bhang" on the store shelves.

Fools Rush in.......

2009-01-30T14:10:00.001-05:00

Dear Diary,
Being a Democrat, whenever I need to gin up my support from my kool-aid drinking zombie minions, I know that one method that never fails is to bring up the evil Rush Limbaugh. It always stirs up the faithful.

I thought the same approach would work with the American people at large when I told Republicans they should stop listening to "El Rushbo".

I instructed the Democratic Congressional Campaign Commitee (DCCC) to post a petition on their website to further slam Mr. Limbaugh......but it may have backfired.

When the DCCC asked for comments.....it appears that most were supportive of Limbaugh.
A few examples:

Rush!!! You are not the light in the night.....You are a BRIGHT and burning SUN illuminating all the darkness and revealing the pitfalls along the way. God Bless you mightily Rush.
Posted by Garfield | 01/29/09, 07:20 PM EST

This is an outrage! Any criticism of our Obamessiah must be punished to the fullest extent of Sharia law!
Posted by Mahmoud Ahmadinejihad in Tehran, Iran ( www ) | 01/29/09, 07:24 PM EST

I already signed the petition Wolffie. Rush knows that most who signed are supporters. That you continue is almost as funny as your Zero headline of yesterday. This blog is fun to read as not a single ‘rat has been on here to support Porkula, especially since Zero claimed that pork was a thing of the past. I hope you realize that pork is the white meat of ‘rat politics.
Posted by Lisa Simpson in Springfield | 01/29/09, 07:34 PM EST

The Democratic/NeoMarxist Party can go to hell. It will cease to exist in 10 years. You people are so stupid you can’t handle success even when you con and lie and scheme to attain it. The party will implode and splinter with the 10 % of rational members forming a common sense party. As for the Dear Leader/Messiah. He has Jimmy Carter written all over him
Posted by TOTALITARIAN LEFT in Everywhere | 01/29/09, 07:34 PM EST

Keep up the good work Rush. You are doing our country a great service with your show. I am glad to have a patriotic American like you on the airwaves!
Posted by Cooldude | 01/29/09, 07:37 PM EST

You Stalinists take the cake. I guess you have nothing better to do than attack a private citizen for his views and the fact that he can freely and confidently speak his mind. Have you ever listened to yourselves? I have, you have no core principles and stutter speak through any contentious issue because you mental midgets have to make sure that what you said in the last sentence doesn’t directly contradict what you’re going to say in the next. You are over-reaching, and it is going to be wonderful to see you fall. I’ll be curious to see whether or not Madame Botox Pelosi can stretch her face to cry when she’s dethroned and loses her private jet priviledges.

I’m glad I have copies of Orwell’s ‘1984’ and ‘Animal Farm’. It’s absolutely creepy how closely what you do and want to do to bring about a socialist utopia matches his books. Americans are free spirited and love freedom. You people need to pack up and move to frickin’ Europe if you hate us so much.

Why don’t you do us all a favor and abort yourselves.
Posted by Tim Schieferecke in AMERICA | 01/29/09, 08:06 PM EST

Us_R_Toys.

2009-01-27T23:44:00.003-05:00

Dear Diary,
It's just like Snookums to be upset over the least little thing.

A toy manufacturer has produced two cute little toy dolls named after our two precious bundles of joy, Sasha and Malia. You'd think their mother would be proud as all get out over that.....but nooooo. She's got her knickers in all sorts of twists over this whole doll thing.

She told some reporters that it just isn't right to use those children for commercial purposes (never mind that we've put them on the cover of all sorts of magazines.)

Honestly, I think she's just jealous. We got Sasha & Malia as dolls now and of course, your truly has been made into very exiting action figures; yet no one has decided to make a Michelle Obama doll or coffee mug or anything.

Just between me and you.... can you blame 'em? She's always got that grumpy, mean lookin' facial expression. What they gonna do? Make a voodoo doll or something?

Just jealously, that's all it is....plain and simple.

Orgasms for Obama....

2009-01-23T12:37:00.004-05:00

Dear Diary,
As one of my most loyal kool aid drinking zombie minions says,
"Orgasms for Obama because Change is Coming".
(Be sure to turn off "Hail to the Chief" before watching video)

The Obamabots.

2009-01-23T08:56:00.005-05:00

Dear Diary,
My plan is going according to schedule.

For many years, I have studied the writings and theories of my heroes.....Mao, Stalin, Darth Vader, and I've come to the conclusion that the one fatal flaw in the plans of each one of these great leaders was their unfortunate dependence on human beings to help them in their control over the masses.

Understanding that, I set out - even before my coronation- to take advantage of the latest in modern technology; technologies that were unavailable to those great men of yesteryear.

With the help of Japanese scientists, I have created an army of Obamabots which will, of course, be under my complete control.
Japanese technicians have been working day and night to produce these magnificent manifestations of my imagination.

Thousands have already been manufactured and are now undergoing martial arts and weapons training.
With these Obamabots at my disposal (as well as my kool aid drinking zombie minions) world domination is within my grasp.

Which Biblical Charater is Most Like Obama?

2009-01-22T08:30:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,
Boxing promoter Don King told CNSNews.com on Tuesday that I was like unto Joshua going across to the Promised Land.

Denzel Washington’s mother, Lennis Washington said I was comparable to the apostle Paul, Moses and John the Baptist.

Which Biblical character is Barack Obama most like?

Take the poll.

The Rehabilitation of Cartoonist Mike Lester.

2009-01-21T14:14:00.004-05:00

Dear Diary,
It's amazing how much things can change in so little time.

Just weeks ago, yours truly was being plagued and sorely vexed by an evil cartoonist by the name of Mike Lester.[Mike Lester....evil cartoonist.] He was forever drawing these rather dangerous cartoons......mocking me, while I was merely President elect Barack Obama.

Now that I have become President Obama, the nature of Mr. Lester's cartoons has changed dramatically. Some might say it was his ......huh.....four week stay in our "rehabilitation facility" that made all the difference, but I believe it was the power of my magnificent personality that "persuaded" Mr. Lester to see the light.

A perfect example of how Mike has, surely, seen the errors of his ways is his latest cartoon where I am favorably compared to one of the greatest leaders in modern history.

I am flattered beyond description that Mr. Lester would compare me to the one man I look up to more than anyone else. I'm so flattered, in fact, I may release Mr. Lester early.

Or not.